Blog
January 30 So I decided not to set any real goals or put any pressure on myself. I just wanted to go out and run as well as I could and have fun in the process. That mindset really seemed to work. I ran a comfortable pace and enjoyed myself thoroughly. I was a bit worried in the first two miles - my splits were 9:50 and 8:59, but then I hit my groove and was able to run faster. I had many zen running moments along the way - moments where I felt like my whole body - lungs, legs and arms - were functioning together perfectly. It's such moments that keep me running. The weather was perfect for me - 44 degrees and misty. My wheezy, asthmatic lungs function really well in cool damp weather. If it had been cold and dry, I probably would have been in trouble. I was amazed that I felt good aerobically even at mile 12. There were many highlights of the race, but the best was seeing Ella, Lily and Brandon just after mile 8. I stopped running to go over and give them all kisses and hugs. It was a huge emotional lift for me. It was also great to see my friends Liz and Shelly at mile 11. They were jumping up and down cheering for me. And as always, it was neat to come around the corner on Spicewood Springs and hear the bagpiper playing on the bridge over MoPac. Everyone around me cheered and clapped for him, which was just as cool as his being out there to play for us. Ella and Lily were very impressed with my finisher's medal. I let them wear it all day. I love that they get to see me do things like run races. They are learning that I'm not just a mom, which is a healthy thing. And they are learning that girls can do anything they want to do - like run long races. I'm proud that I'm being a good role model for them. In the end, it wasn't my fastest 3M, but it also wasn't my slowest. I am thoroughly pleased with how I ran and how strong I felt the whole way through. Here are my splits.
My final time, according to my watch, was 1:53 for an average of 8:38 per mile. I had hoped to be somewhere between 8:30 and 8:45 per mile, so I met my goal. I think the half marathon is the perfect distance for me. There's another half marathon in March, and I'm thinking about doing it just to see if I can lower my time a bit. I'm going to sleep well tonight, especially since I'm taking the morning off of running. It will be so nice not to be up before dawn to head out in the cold and rain. Maybe the girls will cooperate and let me sleep beyond 7:00.
January 29 In memory of Badoopadoo. . . . Our cat Badoopadoo - Badoop for short, or Doop-Doop for Lily - died yesterday. It was a tough day for all of us except Lily, who is too young to understand what was going on. We noticed that Badoop wasn't well Thursday night. During dinner she started making the yowling noise she always does right before she throws up. So I scooped her up and put her on the porch so she could barf outside. When I put her out, she tried to run off the porch, but her back legs weren't working. I called Brandon, who found her cowering in the front garden bed, growling. Knowing her temperament, he decided to leave her alone. He figured she just had a really upset stomach. I went to a neighbor's house for a few hours, and when I came home, she was still in the garden, yowling. So I got a big towel, scooped her up and put her in the girls' bathroom where it was quiet and dark. When I checked on her later, she still wasn't using her rear legs. I didn't sleep much that night due to worry. I called the vet as soon as they opened in the morning, and they had me bring her in. The vet looked her over right away and told me Badoop was in shock. She said the paralysis in her rear legs was either due to a spinal column injury, which didn't seem likely, or a heart condition that is common in older cats. Basically, the heart's walls get enlarged and eventually a clot breaks loose and lodges in the artery that leads to the rear legs. The vet thought this was the most likely scenario. In either case, the prognosis wasn't good. I left Badoop at the vet's office. They put her in warming blankets with IV fluids and pain medication to keep her comfortable while Brandon and I decided what to do. I took Ella to preschool and then went home and talked to Brandon. I called the vet to see how the cat was doing, just in case there was some miraculous recovery. The vet got on the phone immediately and told me that Badoop had passed away. I still feel horrible that I hadn't taken her in earlier and that I hadn't been there with Badoop when she died. But I am taking some solace in that she was warm and comfortable at the end. We decided to let the vet's office cremate Badoop and send her ashes for mass burial, or whatever it is they do with them. Brandon and I liked the idea of scattering her ashes in the front garden, where she spent so much time, but we didn't quite know how to explain to Ella how Badoop's body turned into ashes. We also weren't sure that bringing Badoop's body home for a burial was a good idea. We didn't know how Ella would react. We told Ella later in the day. On the advice of a neighbor who had to explain the death of a family dog to her son, we didn't tell Ella that Badoop got sick and died. We didn't want Ella to worry each time she got sick that she might die. Instead we explained that Badoop was old and that her body just wore out. Ella asked where Badoop's body was and whether she could see it. We explained that the vet was going to bury it, and Ella started crying. She said she wanted to see where Badoop was buried. Brandon and I realized we should have brought Badoop home and buried her in the garden. But how could we have known at the time? Then Ella asked if we could go buy a new cat that looked just like Badoop and name her Badoop. We said no, that we needed time to be sad. I also told Ella that we'd go to the plant nursery today and buy a special plant for the front garden that would be our "Badoop plant." She really seems to like that idea. When Lily got up from her nap, Ella told her about Badoop. I think it helped her to comfort Lily just like we had comforted Ella. Lily, of course, didn't understand. Ella really lost it at bedtime. I gave her pictures of her with Badoop to have next to her bed, but they didn't help. She cried and asked for a new cat many times. Brandon and I both explained that Badoop found us, and that having a cat find you was the best way to go. We said we'd just wait for a new cat to find us, but Ella was adamant that we buy a new cat immediately. I tried to explain that getting a new cat who looked like Badoop wouldn't make Badoop come back. But I think the point was lost on her. Today is better. We haven't had any tears from Ella, but I'm expecting to have another rough bedtime. Brandon got Badoop at least 12 years ago. He and his friend Jim were living in a house in West Campus and a little girl knocked on the door with a tiny grey ball of fluff. She said she'd found the kitten but her mom wouldn't let her keep it. Brandon and Jim took her in and bottle fed her because she was so tiny. Their friend Cliff gave her the name Badoopadoo, which is supposedly the sound the trumpets make at the begining of the chariot races in the movie Ben Hur. Despite being bottle fed and raised by Jim's cat Bowtie, who was a very sweet cat, Badoop was pretty mean. She had very little use for us, except when she was hungry. She never really sought out affection, and if you petted her for too long you were likely to get scratched. Friends would come over and pet Badoop only to draw away a scratched and bleeding hand. Most learned to steer clear of her. But she seemed to mellow in her older years. Amazingly enough, she actually liked, or maybe tolerated is a better word, Ella and Lily - especially Lily. She'd let them pet her and pull on her tail. And when she got fed up, she'd either walk away or give hit them without claws. One of Lily's first sentences was, "Doop-doop hit hand!" Most nights, she'd sleep at the foot of Ella's bed. And if Ella slept in the guest bed, Badoop would follow her in there. She also had this habit of jumping on our front door when she wanted to be fed or to be let in. It cracked our friends up. You'd hear this awful noise and look up to see her big round eyes peering at your through the windows on the door. We referred to her as the kitty door-knocker. Despite her flaws and sometimes bad mood, I miss Badoop. I nearly started crying last night when I went to close the blinds on the front windows and didn't see her in her usual perch on the front porch. And this morning when I came home from my run, I missed having her come to greet me as I got out of the car. As much as I grumbled about her, I'm very sad that she is gone. It's funny how pets play such a large role in our lives and become members of our family. For now, we'll keep dealing with Ella's questions and try to fend off her requests for a new cat. Brandon and I aren't ready for a new one just yet.
January 26 I'm running the half marathon this weekend, so I figured I'd declare it "Cupcake Week" instead of Cake Week since it's only half the distance. I also thought it would be a good activity for me to do with Ella - some quality mother-daughter time. She was very excited about getting to help me cook - until she was invited next door to play on the swing set. She abandoned me to play, and I was left to cook all alone. She did show back up in time to help frost one of them and put sprinkles on the rest. I ate cupcakes for dessert last night and again for breakfast this morning. I forced myself to eat a real lunch and dinner, however. I figure cupcakes won't do my running any good if they are my sole source of nutrition. Plus I didn't run this morning, which means I didn't burn off the extra calories from the cupcakes. Maybe there's a flaw in the way I'm doing this. At any rate, I'm enjoying the cupcakes, and Ella is very proud of her decorating skills.
January 24 Brandon and I went out to dinner last night with friends, and I drank most of a margarita, which is a lot for me. For some reason, it messed up my sleep. Adding to that, Lily woke up coughing in the middle of the night, and I sat up with her until she fell back asleep. I think I was awake for three hours - from 1:00 am until 4:00 am. So when the alarm went off at 5:45, I was not a happy camper. I wanted to call my running partners and tell them I wouldn't be there, but I was too afraid of waking up everyone in their houses. And it was too cold out to just not show up. I didn't want to be responsible for their standing in the dark and shivering while waiting for me. So I sucked it up and got out of bed. I overdressed for the weather, but this morning it would have been bad if I was cold. I bought new running gloves, and they worked a little too well. But I'd rather have my fingers be a little too toasty than aching from the cold. In the end, I'm glad I made myself go. We warmed up on the trail for a mile and a half and then headed over to the track. Shannon, Cristina and Megan did circuits, but since this is my taper week, I didn't want to do anything new. Instead, I toodled around slowly, trying to get Saturday's long run out of my legs. It was a spectacular morning for running. The sky was clear and the moon was almost full. It was just setting as we got to the track. Each time I was running on the far side of the track I got to watch it slip a little lower behind a bank of clouds on the horizon until it disappeared completely. As I was running on the other side of the track, I got to watch the sun coming up and turning the clouds all sorts of fantastic colors. It was quite a show. When I was coaching swimming in Florida, there were days when I was on the pooldeck to watch the moon set, the sun rise, the sun set and the moon rise. Those were always good, if long, days. So I figure I got my day off on the right foot by running in such nice conditions. Too bad my good mood was ruined by a stubborn four-year-old who didn't want to get dressed and go to school.
January 22 It was the perfect morning for a run - clear and cool and no humidity. The sunrise was particularly lovely. I ran the first five-mile loop with my friends Shannon and Mark. I felt stiff and sore through most of it, and my legs felt like they weighed a ton. But my lungs felt good, so I pressed on. I also learned last weekend that even when my legs feel awful at the beginning of a run, they will loosen up eventually. At the end of the first loop, I ate some gu and drank a ton of water. Then Shannon and I headed out. We slowed the pace down a bit, and she left me after about a mile and half to head back to her car. She's pregnant, so an eight-mile run is really her limit. I wish I ran as well pregnant as she does. But her departure meant I was on my own for the next three miles, and there were two places where I could have cut the run short. I had to tough it out mentally as well as physically. As I was toodling along, trying to entertain myself, I looked up to see my fast marathon friends go flying by up on the sidewalk. They were running the last 20 miles of the marathon route as a training run, but it looked like they were running faster than I could ever hope to on a track. It was a bit depressing. In the end, I ran a strange route, going back and forth across various bridges, just to do something different. The trail can be monotonous when you're by yourself. But I finished, and I didn't feel too horrible. My right leg still hurts, but I'm hoping that with lots of stretching and the leg lifts my massage therapist Marion recommended, I'll be ok next Sunday. The half marathon is such a fun race that it's worth gutting it out even if I don't feel well. There's always a bagpiper, an accordion band and silly waterstops. And you get a finisher's medal at the end. The medal alone is worth it. I'm going to go stretch and take a couple of advil. I'm also hoping the girls will cooperate and allow me to take a nap.
January 21
January 15 Today was a spectacular morning for a run - clear and cold with the sun just starting to come up. I was running with my friend Shelly, who was delighting in it. She normally runs at o-dark hundred and finishes before the sun is even starting to rise. She said she felt like a mole coming out into the light. My legs felt dead the first few miles, and I was worried about even making the seven-mile loop, let alone the extra three. But somewhere in the hills, they loosened up considerably and I started to feel better. Unfortunately, my right leg started getting all hinked up again. I tried to adjust my stride so my IT band, hip and knee wouldn't hurt, but instead I ended up just making my hip flexor hurt. It was frustrating because in every other way, I felt great. I felt like I was running strong with a good pace, my breathing was fine, my left leg felt good. I think I'm a good middle distance runner; it takes a few miles for me to even begin to get warmed up. I suppose that's why I love the half marathon distance. At any rate, by the time we finished the seven-mile loop, I was done in. I had to tell the people I was going to run extra with to head out without me, and I hobbled back to my car. Even though I didn't run the full distance and my leg hurt, I was very encouraged by the run. I think if my leg hadn't been bothering me I could have easily run another few miles. I would have been tired at the end, but I don't think I would have ever ended up doing the death shuffle. So next Saturday I'll run 10 and the week after that is the race. I'm really starting to think I can pull it off after all. My subconscious must think so, too. While taking a nap this afternoon I had a dream that I ran the half marathon in 1:45, which is only four minutes slower than my pr. I don't think I'll come close to that, but it's nice to know that my mind thinks it's possible.
January 14
January 12
It was not a good day, despite my efforts. Ella was in a clingy mood, which irritated me. I wanted to play with other kids, but I had a velcro baby stuck to me. Usually snack time is a welcome respite from the chaos of the classroom, but the snack parent brought an odd, and messy, selection of foods - pita bread, garbanzo beans and clementine oranges. Many of the kids had never seen the beans or the oranges before and weren't sure what to do with them, or how to eat them. Several announced, before even trying them, that they didn't want snack. I don't know how the teacher refrained from saying, "You'll eat it, and you'll like it!" I had to bite my tongue. I didn't mind heading up to the kitchen to run laundry for the teacher and wash out snack containers. It gave me a chance to catch my breath and enjoy a few minutes of calm and quiet. The kitchen at her school is a surprisingly peaceful place. After playground time, the teacher announced we were going on a walk to the turtle pond on campus. I thought it would be a good way to kill 15 minutes or so. But it ended up wiping out what little bit of patience I had mustered for the day. Walking 11 kids to a pond 2 blocks away was like trying to get 11 cats to walk in a row. It just wasn't going to happen. Each child had a partner, and I brought up the end of the line with two kids. But my two kids were speedwalkers and wanted to catch up with their friends at the head of the line. I had to tell them over and over again that we had to stay at the end. To make matters worse, the two girls in front of me were slowpokes, and my pair and I kept running over them. As we were crossing a street, with cars stopped for us, the girls in front of me suddenly stopped to pick dandelions, and nothing I said or did got them moving again until they had finished picking the flowers. The people in the cars did not look happy. Once we got to the turtle pond, my job was to make sure no one fell in, which was no small task. Ella's teacher said that in her 14 years at the school, she's only had two kids fall in. I was convinced that one or all of three particular children were going to change that record. I had to stand near them and repeatedly pull them back from the edge. The teacher took them there again today with crackers to feed the turtles. I'm very glad I wasn't along for that trip. The walk back to the school was just as chaotic. We ran several pedestrians and one bicyclist off the sidewalk. All of them were good natured about it, though. Fortunately, by the time we got back to school, it was time to wash hands and eat lunch. I was so tired when I got home, that I settled Ella and Lily down for rest time and collapsed on my bed. I don't know how those teachers do it, day after day. Each time I'm helping parent, I develop a new appreciation for what teachers do. It's an incredibly hard job, especially at the pre-school level, and I know I couldn't do it.
January 8 Brandon is "looking for ducks" this weekend with one of his clients. He told Ella he was going duck hunting, and she asked what that meant. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that it meant he was going to shoot them so he could eat them. Instead he said it meant he was going to go looking for them. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm not going to survive until he gets home tomorrow afternoon. Usually, when he leaves, I'm just fine. But this weekend, today in particular, I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with both girls. Ella has been in fine form since she got up - arguing with me, doing things to provoke Lily, and just generally being a pill-bug. Lily has entered the "no" phase, where she says no to everything, no matter what. And to make things worse, she wakes up each morning and after each nap in a foul mood and cries for at least half an hour. I don't know what's going on with her. She doesn't want to be held, but she doesn't want to be put down. She doesn't want a snack or a drink or anything. I give her a lovey and she throws it on the floor, only to start crying for it. My sweet baby isn't being so sweet. Today we barely made it out the door to breakfast at a friend's house. I was feeling anti-social, so I hung out with the kids in the playroom. Then we had to go to a birthday party for the little boy next door. I love this little boy almost as much as my own children, but I did not want to go to the party because I was in such a bad mood. So I'm still a grouch, and the girls are both wound up from cake and ice cream and too much excitement. Right now they're arguing over who gets to "sleep" on which side of my bed. I know I should intervene, but I kind of want to let them sort it out. They are both yelling, "My side! I first!" On a positive note, after some panic over registering for the half marathon with only three weeks of training ahead of me, I'm feeling a bit better about my odds of finishing with my dignity intact. I ran a tough five miles on Friday with Liz, Shelly and Holli and felt strong the whole way. This morning I ran seven miles with Shannon and Cristina. It was a tough run, but I finished. I just had to take an hour's break to deal with the girls. They were fighting over balloons from the birthday party. Whatever color balloon Lily wanted was, of course, Ella's favorite balloon. So I put both balloons in the garage and Ella had a fit. She hit me and then tried to bite me. So I put her in her room. After I closed the door, she opened it again and slammed it in my face - her way of getting the last word in, I suppose. Then she poked her head out and told me that when she gets bigger and she's in her room because she's in trouble she's going to open her window and climb out of her room that way. I am so screwed.
January 5 My goal each time I start laundry is to have it all folded and put away before I have to start doing it again. More often than not, I fail at this. It seems that I always have stacks of folded laundry on the floor in my bedroom. I used to fold it on the bed, hoping that having it there would force me to put it away before I went to sleep each night. But Brandon usually foiled that plan by just pushing everything on to the floor or the bench at the foot of our bed. I was especially embarassed recently. Some of our friends were storing some things at our house while theirs was being renovated. When the husband carried the stuff into our bedroom, there were piles of laundry on the floor. When he came back two weeks later, there were piles on the floor again. I'm sure he thought that I never put the original piles away, or that I just keep our clothes on the floor. We have cleaning people who come every other week, and each time they come, I have to tell them to clean around the stacks of laundry. It's very depressing. I have the best of intentions, I really do. But each time I start to work on the piles, I get distracted or pulled away by something or someone else. And there the laundry sits. Brandon read an article about household shortcuts. The woman in it saved time by just having baskets in the laundry room with each family member's name on it. Clean laundry was folded straight out of the dryer and put into the baskets. The kids then grabbed their clean clothes from the baskets. Brandon thought it was a great plan and has been encouraging me to buy laundry baskets for each of us. Somehow, that just seems like giving up to me. If I can't at least get the clothing into the dressers, then what's the point. I am pleased that today I managed to get all the clean laundry folded and put away - even Brandon's, which I normally leave in a pile in the closet for him to put up. The down side is that tomorrow I get to start all over again.
January 3 My friend Jennifer promises me that 3M will be a cakewalk compared to Decker, but I'm not sure I believe her. I had planned on an easy six or 7 miles for a long run this weekend, but now that doesn't seem like enough. After this morning's miserable four-mile run, I'm not sure I could even make six or seven miles. Eeek! I just looked at my calendar again - I only have three weekends before race day, which means only three weekends to get in long runs. Maybe I shouldn't have registered after all.
January 2, 2005 I started my new year off on the right foot - with a five-mile run with friends. The run wasn't great - it was too warm and humid for my taste. Plus I had taken almost a whole week off after returning from Atlanta, and I was more than a little stiff. I always plan on doing a New Year's Day run, but I haven't managed to pull it off the last few years. Last year we hosted an open house on New Year's Day, so I was too busy to get out for a run. And I was horribly sick and felt too miserable to run. The year before, I was eight months pregnant with Lily, and I could barely waddle, let alone run. I don't remember if I ran on New Year's day in 2002 - probably not. At any rate, I got 2005 off to a good start. I hope it's a better year overall than 2004 was. I had a tough time this year, but I can't exactly say why. I had lots of freelance work. Brandon's business is going well. The girls are happy and mostly healthy. I have wonderful neighbors and lots of good friends. I ran 728 miles. But it was still a rocky year. I spent most of the summer battling depression and anxiety attacks. It took months to get the right medicine - namely one that didn't make me more depressed and tired. My migraines were pretty awful through the spring and summer, which made things even worse. I'm now on a pretty strong anti-seizure medication that has the potential for some frightening side effects - especially if I were to get pregnant. I had to have an MRI on my brain to see if there was something (like a tumor) causing the increase in migraines. It was a long two weeks while I waited for the results. It turned out that everything was fine, but it still didn't provide any answers about the migraines. So here I am at the beginning of the new year with hopes for year ahead. I don't have any specific resolutions to make - I never do well with those. But I do have things I want to accomplish for the year:
Now that I've written it all out, it turns out that I do have a rather long list of goals for the new year. It's good that I've put them all down like this - I'll be able to refer back when I forget what I want and need to do.
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