Blog
February 25
February 24 Ella and I got to the mall early, so we wandered around for a little while. She held on to my hand and looked around in wonder at everything. I made the mistake of taking her into the Disney Store. I realized afterwards that doing so was cruel. She'd look around and say, "Look mama!" at just about everything. She really wanted one of the pricess outfits they had, but I held firm on saying no and hustled her out as fast as I could. It was fun to watch her watch the movie. At one point she was so engrossed that she kept missing the popcorn bucket, hitting me instead. Her eyes were huge. I was surprised that she was able to sit still for it as long as she did. About 15 minutes from the end she asked to leave, but I think she was more upset that Roo was in danger. So she sat in my lap for the rest of the movie. As much as she liked the movie, I think her favorite part was getting to have popcorn and sprite. She's told everyone about it. She gives a brief re-cap of the movie and then says, "And we got to have popcorn and SPRITE!" The best part for me was getting a big hug from Ella when the movie ended.
February 22 I was fortunate today, though. Both girls went to school, which meant I was able to come home and sleep. Of course, it meant ignoring the messy kitchen and the living room that needed vacuuming. I figure I can do those things while the girls are here.
Brandon is out of town for the week, which makes it all worse. I can't just hand the girls off to him at dinner time and pack myself off to bed. I've resorted to bribery DVDs that I bought just for this. If Ella and Lily eat a good dinner and cooperate at bath time, I let them watch one new Dora or Sesame Street video. So far, it's worked. Last night I had them both in bed and asleep by 8:15. I was asleep by 8:30. Time to go settle everyone, including me, down for rest time.
February 15 I'm just not sure where the time goes. My freelance work has dried up for the time being, so I don't even have that as an excuse. I have two mornings a week when both girls are in school, and I always have grand plans to get things done then, but somehow it never happens. I feel sort of paralyzed by everything that needs to be done. I just don't know where to start. Take my Web site for example. To update it, I have to dig through several hundred pictures, select the ones I want to post, crop and edit them and then create all of the pages. And each time I think I'm ready to get started, I take more pictures. I need to hide my camera for a month and not take any pictures. Oh, I just remembered the stack of pictures on my dresser that need to be sorted and put in photo albums. I'm almost out of empty albums. I definitely take too many pictures. My closet has been getting worse and worse because I keep throwing things in one end thinking, "I'll take care of that when I reorganize it all." But the stack of things gets larger, which makes me feel more overwhelmed and I just walk out and turn off the light. I think I'm more productive when I have too much to do. I force myself to become super efficient and to budget my time better. Perhaps the next few months will get better as my work with Danskin picks up. The closer I get to race day, the busier I'll be.
February 14 For the past several years I've sworn that I wouldn't volunteer the next year, but then race day rolls around, and I change my mind. It's an inspiring event. There are women of all shapes and sizes and levels of fitness out there together. Many of them have never done something like this before in their lives. A large number of the participants are cancer survivors and even more are racing in honor of a survivor or in honor of a loved one who died of cancer. I cry many times during each year. Last year I started crying during the national anthem. I looked up to see our race director, who is also a good friend, holding her baby at the start line. Less than nine months before she had been diagnosed with cervical cancer and told she probably wouldn't be able to have a baby. Then, miracle of miracles, in January, she and her husband were able to adopt their son. Seeing her standing there with Dylan and knowing everything she had been through, made all of the hard work and stress worthwhile for me. It was then that I decided that as long as Marion is involved in the race, I will be, too. Marion called me last week and offered me a part-time job as her assistant for Danskin this year, and I am beyond thrilled. I won't be making much money, but some is better than none. And she's said she'll get me a pair of shoes. But it's a chance for me to be more involved in an event I believe in, and that means so much to me.
February 13 On to other things . . . I took the girls to watch and cheer the marathoners this morning. We set up camp right at the 23-mile mark, which is always sort of a death-march zone, especially for slower runners. We met my friend Shelly out there, and we had a good time. Shelly and I wore chicken hats, and we all shook maracas and cow bells and sleigh bells. It was inspiring to see all of the people out there running. It almost makes me want to run another marathon - almost. The 3:45 pace group leaders were two men who are part of our running group. Last year they won the award for having their group coming closest to goal finish time. I think if I trained right, I could probably hang with them for the race. They are great guys and would a lot of fun to run with. Maybe I'll think more about it in the fall. Ella and Lily had fun watching. Lily learned to say "Go runners, go!" over and over again. Ella cheered and clapped, too. She was having so much fun watching and cheering that she didn't want to leave. Lily, on the other hand, was tuckered out.
February 5 It's hard to believe Lily is two already. It seems like just yesterday that she was born, yet I barely remember her as a baby. I think I was too focused on Ella at times. Plus Lily was so easy as a baby, and she still is. I've been reading child development books to get ideas on coping with Ella, and one said that the worst of the terrible twos actually happens between 18 and 24 months. If that's the case, Lily was a breeze. She is still the good-natured, sunny little person she's always been. We've had a few tantrums here and there, but overall she's just great. She started to really talk just a few weeks ago. I forgot how sudden the language explosion is. She went from a few words here and there to complete sentences and parroting everything we say to her. What she says isn't always clear, but at least she's talking, and she's doing it a lot. She was rather quiet as a baby; she never babbled or cooed much, but she's making up for it now. The mornings that Ella is at school and it's just me and Lily here at the house, she talks non-stop. I've discovered that having two children who talk a lot isn't twice as noisy, it's at least four times as noisy. There's sort of low level hum at all time. I just have to listen for increases in tone or pitch that might signal trouble. It's funny, Ella seemed so big to me when she was two, so grown up. But Lily still seems like a baby. I suppose it's because I know she's probably my last one. It also might be because I compare her to Ella as she is now, and she's a very big four-year-old. Lily adores Ella and wants to do everything she does; Ella mostly adores Lily right back. It does my heart good to see and hear them play together. My sister and I are so far apart in age that we were never close as kids. My friend Shelly, when talking about her brothers, said they were her first friends. I hope Ella and Lily will look back on their childhoods and think that about each other. So happy birthday to my sweet little Lily. May the next year be as wonder as the last.
February 2
At first she was just overwhelmed by all of the choices. We did one lap around the store where she just kept saying, "Look at this" in an awed tone. During the second lap she spotted lots of things that she wanted me to come back and buy for her at some point in the future. She also picked out several items that were too old for Lily but were perfect for her. I had to remind her that we were looking for something for a two-year-old, not a four-year-old. After the third lap I gave her the choice of two toys - a Thomas the Tank Engine puzzle (Lily loves Thomas) or a ball (Lily also loves balls). Ella picked the ball, probably because she knows she can play with it with Lily. Also probably because Ella has no interest in Thomas and wouldn't want to play with the puzzle. I admit that it is hard to pick out presents for the second child. I had a tough time at Christmas. We already have so many toys and so little space; we don't really need anything new. Books are always my first choice, but as a result their bookshelf is filled to overflowing. In the end I picked out a new book for Lily as a present and a book for them to share. I also got Lily the Little People play house. I just couldn't resist. I loved the one I had as a child, and which my parents still have, and I want the girls to have one. So I guess I'm as guilty as Ella in wanting to buy Lily something that I want to play with too. Also, I've updated my reading journal.
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