Blog
March 30 I'd write more tonight, but I'm too tired. It's almost 11:00, and I've been up since a little before 6:00. And that was after a mere four hours of sleep last night. It's been a long, long day. But I do have things I want to write about. Here's a list, just so I don't forget:
It seems like there were more, but my brain is too fried tonight.
March 23 After lots of research and discussion, we decided to get a Hyundai Tucson. Hyundai used to have such a bad reputation that I kind of feel like I have to defend our decision. It really is a good car - they have a 10-year warranty, the lowest repair costs of any car out there, and excellent safety features. Ours has side curtain airbags for front and back seats that come standard. Plus it has lots of other fun features that come standard, like an in-dash, six-CD changer and heated leather seats. It's considered a small SUV, but I don't count it as a real SUV. It's built on a car frame, so it has to adhere to all car safety standards. It also passes all rollover tests with flying colors. And its gas mileage, while not the best, is no where near as bad as that of an SUV. The dealership had it delivered from Corpus Monday night, and Brandon had it taken to a custom hitch place first thing Tuesday morning to have a towing hitch put on so he could take it on his canoe expedition. Which is why I don't have my new car yet. I drove it home from the dealership and then again for about half an hour when I escaped from the house Tuesday night, and that's it. I'll get it back on Monday when the girls and I get back from Atlanta and Brandon is home from his trip. But I'm not bitter about it, much. This is the first time since I bought my first car that I have been excited about one. I was 25 when I bought my first - a cute little red Honda CRX - that I dubbed the "vrt-vrt." I LOVED that car. I drove it to Miami and back for my friend Chiayu's wedding. Unfortunately, I totalled it at five miles an hour in the rain. That's the problem with driving a small cute car. Next, I bought a Honda Prelude, which I wasn't thrilled with. I bought it because I needed a car, and it was a good deal. When I was eight months pregnant with Ella, I got side-swiped in it, and the insurance company decided to total it out. Because the damage was cosmetic, we took the money and I kept driving it. We couldn't replace the car for what they gave us, and we weren't ready for another car payment. We finally sold it after Brandon got his Mercedes and some guy knocked on the door and offered us $500 cash for the Prelude. We couldn't resist that offer. When we got the Mercedes I inherited the Maxima that Brandon bought when we were first married, and while it was a great car, I never loved it the way I did the vrt-vrt. Ella, however, was very sad when she realized we were leaving at the dealership. She cried the whole way home, and I have to admit I was a bit sad, too. We brought Ella home from the hospital in that car. I tend to get sentimental about such things. So once I get to drive my new car, I'm hoping I'll fall in love with it like I did the vrt-vrt. It may not be cute and red and zippy, but I'm hoping it does have a personality all its own.
March 21 First, Ella. One night, as we were eating dinner, Ella announced that when she got big she was going to marry her friend Matilda. I managed not to snort milk out my nose laughing and asked her why she wanted to marry Matilda. She gave me a very impatient look, like I was an idiot for even asking, and said, "Because I want to marry the person I like best, and I like Matilda best." I thought for a moment, and realized I couldn't argue with her logic. I told her that I had married Daddy because I liked him best, too. She smiled and nodded. The other night, her grandmother was here while the girls were eating dinner. Ella was chattering away at Debbie and then announced that when she got big she was going to marry Matilda, Luke, Walt and Isabel. I hadn't realized the commune had grown quite so much. Debbie managed to say, "Oh, isn't that interesting." She definitely does not share my rather liberal views on such things as gay marriage. I decided to throw fuel on the fire and told Debbie about my conversation the week earlier with Ella about marrying the person she liked best and said I couldn't argue with her way of thinking. I'm not sure what Debbie thought of that. Ella is recovering from her surgery as well as can be expected, and in some cases is proving to be wise beyond her years about it. After giving her a quick shower the other night, with a bag wrapped around her leg, I was asking her if her leg hurt. She said it didn't. I said that maybe it would hurt if she walked or jumped on it. She looked at me and said, "I think it will hurt when it hurts." Again, I couldn't argue with her logic. And now for Lily, who is proving to be one of the funniest little kids I've ever met. She climbed up on the bed the other morning while Brandon was still under the covers and stumbled over him. She popped right up and said, "Oh my gosh! I OK!" Brandon and I both cracked up at the "Oh my gosh" part of it. It's such an odd expression to hear from a two-year-old. Then the other night at dinner she asked for more milk. Brandon told her we didn't have any more at the table and asked her if she'd like some of his wine. She looked at him very seriously and said, "No. Wine is too spicy." We all laughed at that one, even Ella. Lily looked around, a bit unsure of why we were laughing, and then joined right it. She was always a cheerful, sunny little baby, and she's pretty much stayed that way, even now that she's in the terrible twos. I'm very relieved!
March 19
March 16 I have nothing but wonderful things to say about Children's Hospital of Austin. From beginning to end, our experience with all of the staff - admissions, nurses, child life specialists, volunteers, doctors - was excellent. They all worked together to make us feel confident that Ella was in excellent hands. We knew her nurse was something special when she allowed him to pick her up and carry her off to surgery. Ella doesn't voluntarily go with strange people, especially not ones at doctor's offices or hospitals. But she let Butch take her from Brandon's arms and go off for the operation. The last we saw of her was her little Nemo underpants peeking out from the open back of her hospital gown. The surgery only took about 40 minutes, and then she came out of recovery 20 minutes later. When they wheeled her in to the little cube where we were waiting, she was awake and talking to us. I was surprised at how alert she was. They kept her there for an hour to make sure she was ok and then sent us on our way. She got to ride to the car in a big wagon filled with pillows. I was amazed at how fast Ella has rebounded. She has internal stitches and a big bandage over the wound. She can't get the bandage wet until Sunday, which is when we're allowed to take it off. We're going to have to figure out some way of bathing her between now and then. Under the bandage are some steri strips that will fall off on their own. The wound doesn't seem to hurt her at all. Ella has been crashing around the house all afternoon. Brandon and I have to keep reminding her to slow down and not to bounce and not to run. I think because we can't see the stitches or the wound, it's hard for her to understand why she needs to take it easy. She's not happy about having stitches. Ella has cried several times today - especially at bedtime - about the stitches. She wants them out so she can run and bounce and play. We've tried to explain that if she takes it easy and rests her leg it will heal faster, but she hasn't seemed to grasp that yet. I managed to hold it all together until we were headed home from the hospital. I started shaking uncontrollably in the car. It was like a delayed reaction to the stress of the day. I'm glad it happened after everything was all over and not before or during. But I think I still need to have a good long cry tonight to get everything out. So I'm ending my day with Anne Lamott's prayer - Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm thankful the surgery went well and Ella is going to recover. I'm thankful for the help and support of our friends and family. I'm thankful for Brandon. And I'll start tomorrow with "Help me, help me, help me" as I face seven days of trying to keep Ella quiet.
March 15 She's having the last bit of a large group of abnormal veins removed from her left leg. When she was born we were told that it was a hemangioma, a type of birthmark that would get smaller and fade as she got bigger. Turns out it wasn't and it didn't. It's gotten bigger over the years. It looks like a large, lumpy bruise. We had a procedure called sclerotherapy done on it just before she turned three. It's what they do to varicose veins. It involves injecting the veins with alcohol to get them to collapse. It worked on about half of the mass. Unfortunately, the half that is left has been growing. So this time they're just scooping everything out and stitching it closed. She'll have a straight line of a scar, about two inches long, on her leg. It should be barely noticable by the time she's in high school. I'm not so much worried about the surgery as I am the recovery. Because Ella will have stitches, we'll have to restrict her activity for seven to ten days. That's like telling a chimpanzee she can't play. I've stocked up on some new DVDs and other activities to keep her entertained. She's not going to be able to go back to school until her stitches are pretty much gone, which is going to be tough. Ella's handling this all pretty well. She's been asking lots of questions, and we've been answering them directly in simple terms. We've learned that's the best approach with her; she needs time to mull things over and then ask her questions. The surgery is first thing in the morning, which is a good thing. We won't have to sit around the house waiting to leave. It's especially good that we have to be at the hospital at 6:30 since she can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight. We can put her in the car in her jammies and head straight for the hospital before she asks for breakfast. I'm reading a book by Anne Lamott about faith, and she says her two favorite prayers are, "Help me, help me, help me" and "Thank you, thank you, thank you." I think I'll be saying those prayers a lot tomorrow.
March 13 I'm amazed at the lengths some parents go to for their kid's party - activities, huge cakes, unbelievable party favor bags. Some of the best parties we've been to have been the simplest. I try to remind myself that simpler is better when planning parties for Ella and Lily, but I still get caught up in it all. For Ella's I painted polka-dots on glass ice cream bowls for each of the kids who came. They looked great, and the kids loved them, but it was a lot of work. I wanted to have a big shindig for Lily's party, but Brandon talked me out of it. He reminded me that she wouldn't remember it, and that I'd only be doing it for the parents. So we stuck with bagels and fruit and quiche and cake. The kids who came spent their time playing with the toys we already had, and the parents stood around and chatted. Ella and I are now going to parties for her classmates, which is a bit strange for me. I'm not good at standing around and making idle conversation with people I barely know, but that's what we do at the parties. Fortunately, the parents of her classmates, at least the ones at the parties so far, are funny, interesting people. We went to a party this Sunday at Chucky Cheese's, which I had been dreading. I hadn't been to one since I was 12, and I remember it as being rather tacky. The outside of the place here looks rather seedy, and I was worried about the inside. It turned out to be very clean and not nearly as loud and crowded as I had anticipated. They still have the freaky animatronic band, but Chucky is a guy in a moth-eaten mouse suit who comes out and dances with the kids. Ella and her friends LOVED him. Ella also loved playing all of the games, even if she didn't get the point of many of them. All of the games are set to give out one ticket, no matter what. Ella got so excited the machine spit out a ticket - "Mama, I got another ticket! Isn't that great?" I promised her we'd go back some time, and it wasn't a completely empty promise. Each time we've gone to a party, Ella has declared that she wants her next birthday party at that location. First it was the ice skating rink for a snow party - which I could get behind. Then she wanted her birthday at the same place Isabel had hers - the community center at the married housing complex for UT. Now she wants her party at Chucky Cheese's. I'm hoping to stick with having her party at home for a few more years. I want to keep them as small and as simple as possible while I can.
March 11 I ran five tough miles this morning with Liz and Shelly. The route is a hilly one, and it really affected me for some reason. I had trouble breathing in the last mile and had to beg them to walk for a minute so I could breathe again. Still, I'm glad I ran with them. The weather, as it has been all week, was picture perfect. Liz and Shelly are also two of my oldest friends here in Austin. I trained for and finished my first marathon with Liz in 1998; we met in a training group after we always ended up running the same pace on our long runs. I met Shelly the next year through Liz and running. I've been through a lot with them as friends - pregnancies, births of children, other major life changes - and I treasure their friendships. As much as I hate the early hour (we run at 5:30), I love being able to run with the two of them - three if Holli joins us - on a regular basis. I feel like they keep me grounded. Reading my blogs lately, I realize I sound rather sentimental. I guess I'm just feeling particularly blessed these days. I have a wonderful husband, despite his long work hours, two amazing little girls, and a wealth of great friends. Maybe it's just the weather, or maybe it's that my anti-depressants are at the right level, but I'm feeling pretty happy these days.
March 9 The kids ran up and down the sidewalks and rode their bikes and scooters and trikes while the moms took turns doing yard work or other tasks. I think it was a fun afternoon for everyone. Brandon, being a realtor, comes home excited about some "perfect" house he's found for us on a regular basis. I always dig my heels in and tell him I'm not ready to move yet, no matter how nice the house is. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have another bedroom so the girls could each have their own room and we'd still have a guest room. I'd kill to have an office where I could close the door and be away from the girls while I try to work. And another living area wouldn't be too bad either. But to have that house we'd either have to have a lot more money, if we want to stay in central Austin, or be willing to drive half an hour to get into town. We don't have the money, and I'm not willing to drive, so here we'll stay for a while. I also don't want to move because I love our neighbors too much. We are so fortunate to live next to and near the people we do. It's a great group - there are three other stay-at-home moms, and they have kids the same ages as Ella and Lily. And even better, they're really cool people. They are now good friends in addition to being good neighbors. It is so nice to know that I can call on any of them if I'm in a pinch and have my girls taken care of. I feel absolutely secure that when the girls are at any of their houses they won't be watching inappropriate television, or playing violent video games, or getting their hands on guns, or eating bad food (except for Luke's Apple Jacks). An example: Last week Brandon and I had tickets to Cirque du Soleil and our babysitter no-called-no-showed. I called Luke's Lisa in a panic. She had me bring over the girls in their jammies, and she hosted one big sleep over. This Saturday we're returning the favor by watching Luke and Molly while Lisa and Russell go out to dinner. Another example: Lisa and Heidi and I are going on what is becoming an annual moms' weekend away in April. We're headed to Heidi's parents' lake house in north east Texas for a long weekend. We went last Mother's Day and had a blast. There aren't many people I'd voluntarily go on trips with, and Lisa and Heidi are two of them. And yet another: We went to S. Padre Island last summer with Lisa, Russell, Luke and Molly and shared a condo and had a wonderful time. It's rare to find neighbors who become such good friends, but we've managed it with three families. Right now, having those three families is more important to me than an extra bedroom or another living area. I'm content to stay here for the time being.
March 7 Brandon stopped by the parking lot this afternoon and tried to jump start it, without success. So he called a friend who is something of a shade-tree mechanic and asked him to have a look. Tom went down and figured out it was the starter. So Tom and our friend Jim hammered on the starter until the engine turned over and drove the car to Jim's house. Brandon went out tonight to buy the replacement part; Tom will install it for us tomorrow. In the meantime, we've decided it's time for a new car. My car is 9 1/2 years old with 108,000 miles on it. And while this is the first major problem we've had, aside from needing all new brakes this fall, it's about to need some major maintenance-type repairs. We're better off just using that money toward a down payment. . . . I think. I say, only half jokingly, that Brandon steamrollers me into things. When he makes up his mind to do something, he goes ahead and does it, caution be damned. I think it's part of the diver mentality. I, however, have to mull things over for a while before I decide to act. An example - it took me three days to decide to buy a pair of $45 shoes. Brandon went car shopping on a whim one afternoon and brought home the Maxima. He called me at the office to tell me he had bought a car. I hadn't even known we were in the market for one. My goal, each time this happens, is to stop him from rushing me into something that I'm not ready for. I reminded him today that he's the one who jumps right into the water, while I wade around in the shallow end for a while getting used to it. Once I'm in, I'm fine, though. So now the search for a new car begins. I don't want a mini-van at all, even though they're roomy and safe. I just can't drive one. And I'm morally and ethically opposed to SUVs, so I'm not left with many options. I'm borrowing our neighbor's Scion tomorrow morning to take the girls to school. Maybe I'll like that. I just hate to buy a car now. We've been without car payments for almost a year, and it's been nice to use that money for other things - like paying off credit cards and fixing up the house. It just kills me to think of having to write another check each month. But I guess we've got to do what we've got to do. I told Brandon I'd sleep on the issue tonight and we could discuss it tomorrow. He promised not to bring it up until I do. We'll see if he can stick to that promise.
March 6 Brandon and I took the girls to Toys R Us to buy more tracks for Lily's train collection. Brandon has decided that these are the toys he'll get into. This is the first time he's volunteered to actually buy toys for the girls - usually he just grumbles about how we have too many toys in the house. We bought $100 worth of train tracks and trains and headed for the car. We got everyone loaded in, and then the car wouldn't start. All we can figure is the kill switch on the alarm system has shorted out and is preventing the car from starting. It has power, but we can't get it going. We spent an hour in the parking lot trying everything we could think of to reset it - locking and unlocking the doors in different orders, disconnecting the battery, changing fuses - but nothing worked. So we called our friend Jim for a rescue. As soon as he arrived, his car overheated and the radiator boiled over. We had to wait for it to cool down so he could add water to it. He'd never had his car overheat before. While all of this is going on Ella is crying because she doesn't want to leave our car behind, and Lily is sobbing because it's past her nap time and she's exhausted. I went back in the store and bought Ella a bottle of water, which helped calm her down. Lily gave up and fell asleep, although she woke up again when we moved her to Jim's car. Brandon bought some chips and gave them to her, which stopped her from crying the whole way home. Finally, with all of us wedged into his little car, we made it home. My car is still in the parking lot at Toys R Us; we're hoping they don't tow it overnight. Tomorrow we'll call the Nissan dealership and see if they have any suggestions for over riding the kill switch. We just need to get it started so we can take it in to have the electrical system looked at, among other things. Brandon and the girls are now playing with all of the new trains, and I'm trying to recover from the stress of it all. I don't handle such situations well. Maybe we'll all have better luck tomorrow.
March 2 The last few years, I've lived in a pair of Dansko clogs and my Birkenstocks - and my many pairs of running shoes, of course. But last Spring I went on a little shopping spree at Nordstrom thanks to a large gift card that Brandon received from a builder. On a whim, I bought two pairs of little leather flats: one brown pair, one red pair. I figured I'd wear the brown pair most of the time and the red pair only rarely. It turns out I did exactly the opposite. I love my little red shoes. My black clogs have finally gotten to the point where I'm embarrassed to wear them out to nice events. The trim on the front is badly frayed, and my attempt at camoflaging the damage by using a permanent marker wasn't the success I hoped it would be. So yesterday I went back to Nordstrom, and using a gift card that I had, I bought a pair of funky black Mary-Janes. I can't wait to wear them tomorrow night when Brandon and I go to see Cirque du Soleil. My firend Heidi loves them, which means they're cool. There were two other pairs of shoes that I was tempted to buy. One was a pair of bright pink leather flats, similar to my red ones. The other was a pair of pink canvass sneakers. I still kind of regret not buying the sneakers in addition to my black shoes. I told my friend Cristina about the shoes, and she said that if I was still thinking about them the next day, it was a sign I should buy them. I think I'm going to take her advice and go back to get them. They are completely frivolous, but I don't care. I looked at my shoe collection tonight, and it's grown quite a bit. I have three pairs of running shoes, two pairs of leather flats, Birkenstocks, clogs, little black party shoes, new black shoes, frivolous black Anne Taylor pumps I bought this fall at my mother's urging, and blue pumps. I tried to think of a pair I could weed out to make room for the new shoes, but I couldn't come up with one. I suppose I could get rid of the blue pumps and the black party shoes, but I know somewhere down the road I'd regret it. And my running shoes have different uses - there are the new ones, the ones I wear when it's raining, and the pair I wear to knock around the house in or garden in. I've only worn the Anne Taylor pumps once, so there's no way I could get rid of those. So I guess I'll quietly add to my collection and hope Brandon doesn't notice. Even if he does, I don't care. I'm not really the kind of person who buys things just to buy them, so if I splurge on a pair of shoes now and again, it's not a problem. Besides, they cost about as much as two weeks' worth of his cigarettes.
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