Blog
July 31 I've run two marathons, one in 1998 and one in 1999. Neither was spectacular. I trained my guts out for the 2000 Motorola and was prepared for a really great race. But with eight days to go, I found out I was pregnant with Ella. Much to everyone's relief, I chose not to run. And while I wouldn't change having Ella for anything, I've always felt a little gyped by missing that race. I feel like I need to run one more to get it out of my system. I trained with AustinFit for my first one. It's how I met my friend Liz. We ended up finishing the race together, which was cool. I have a good picture of the two of us at the finish line. I signed up for AustinFit for my second, but I didn't train with them for long. They spent too much time standing around and talking before our Saturday long runs. I just wanted to get out and run. Fortunately, I found a great group of women, all veteran marathoners, to train with. For my third attempt, I trained with a RunTex group along with Liz and Shelly and Holli. The coach was great, and I ran the best I ever have in my life. At least I walked away with an amazing half-marathon PR from the season. But now I don't know what to do. I've looked at two of the training groups offered, and they don't quite mesh with my schedule. One has group runs on Saturday mornings and either Tuesday or Wednesday nights. I just can't commit to running in the evening. Brandon's schedule is just too unpredictable. I could be sitting at the door with my running shoes on, waiting to leave, only to have him call and say he's going to be late. I would end up bitter and resentful, which is no good for anyone. The other group has two weekday morning runs and one Saturday run. I'd miss running with my usual weekday friends if I skipped running with them on Monday, Wednesday AND Saturday. Sure, there's the argument that I'd make new running friends, but we all know how I am about making new friends. Also, the weekly mileage for that group is outside my comfort level. I'd end up getting hurt. Jennifer, my one friend I can usually count on for company during parts of long runs, is pregnant (I used the P word, Jen!), and none of my other running friends are training for the marathon. I need some support for those long runs or I'll never get them done. Beyond finding people to run with, I'm concerned about the time investment involved. The last times I trained for marathons I was child-free. I could spend three hours running on Saturday and go home and nap for two hours. I don't have that luxury anymore. And then there are all those cold dreary morning runs in the dead of winter. While I love running in cold weather, I can do without running at 5:00 in the morning. So I don't know what to do. I've got a few weeks until the training groups form, so I'll work on getting my long runs up to ten miles and consider my options. I think it may have been a mistake to tell people I was thinking about doing this. It's harder to back out gracefully.
July 29 I was feeling really sorry for myself yesterday because of all my dental problems. Then I got word that one of the moms in our neighborhood play group was diagnosed with breast cancer. That really put things in perspective for me. A root canal is NOTHING compared to cancer. Sure my mouth hurts, but Kelley has had a zillion needle biopsies already and is having a lumpectomy next week. At that point they'll discuss whether she needs chemo and radiation therapy. And she's only 35. That is so young to have breast cancer. When I got the news about Kelley, I was working on my friend Marion's white paper for her new non-profit, called MoveThroughCancer. Marion is a cancer survivor and is very involved with the Lance Armstrong Foundation and the survivor community. She's one of my role models on how to live a positive life. The focus of the organization is to make physical activity as basic a component of cancer treatment as surgery and radiation. As I was reading the paper, I kept thinking how common sensical and obvious it seems to have cancer patients do something as easy as walk for two minutes several times a day. Even that little bit of activity can make a world of difference in the patient's recovery and subsequent quality of life. In the paper Marion profiles a program at a children's cancer center that automatically sets up exercise programs for all pediatric patients. Children who have cancer tend to lag behind their peers in terms of physical development, often having trouble with balance and walking. The program institutes early intervention in the hopes of preventing the lags from occuring. Marion says that if she can get that program alone instituted around the country at other facilities everything will have made it all worthwhile. When I told her about my friend's diagnosis, Marion said that during the hard times we all need to remember the simple joys in life - like discovering that the round block goes in the round hole. That's what her little boy Dylan learned this morning, and it was a big event. My simple joy today was singing my way through Whole Foods with Lily. She loves to make up silly songs, and I sing along with her, ignoring the stares from other shoppers.
July 27 I have so much I want to write that I'm going to have to do it in stages. I might even include some pictures in my entires because I have no idea when I'm going to have time to update my whole Web site. It's been almost six months since I've done it. I'm so behind. Before I do anything with my Web site I need to catch up on my work. I told my editors that I was taking a week off for my trip, but now that I'm back I have to get working again. I don't really want to, though. I'd like a few more days to recover. I sent both girls to school yesterday morning even though they were tired because I needed the time to unpack, start laundry and go to the store. Instead, I spent an hour chasing Brandon to five different car rental places because his car had a gas leak and another 30 minutes running a contract to a client. It blew my whole schedule for the day. I should have worked tonight, but instead I went to a girls' night with friends. I needed to get out. And I'm glad I went. Two running friends, one of them a close friend, announced their pregnancies. I suspected one was pregnant, but I knew better than to ask her about it. Thursdays are usually good work days for me, but I have to go to the dentist, again, for fillings. I'm hoping it doesn't take three hours like my last few appointments have. Enough rambling. Time for bed. Also, I've updated my book log, but I did it late at night after a margarita, so I'm not sure any of it makes sense.
July 19 I also downloaded David Sedaris reading at Carnegie Hall. I haven't listened to it yet. I'm hoping I'll get to on one of our flights on Thursday, provided the girls cooperate. I promised my mom she could listen to it, too. My sister is quite jealous of my iPod. Brandon got me one of the super ones - it has 20 gigs of memory and holds something like 15,000 songs. Hers only only has four gigs. Hee hee hee. I know it's a completely frivolous toy. I'm not even sure when I'll use it since I have a CD player in the car and I won't run with headphones on. But I sure do like having it. To quote my friend Jen - "SWEET!"
July 17 The night before my birthday I had a dream that I was on one of the model search shows, and I was thrilled to be there. And then Calvin Kline walked in and told me I was too old to be a model. I told him I thought I looked pretty good for a 35-year-old mother of two, and he agreed that I did look good but I was still too old. I was just crushed. I woke up pretty upset about the dream. I know age is just a number and I'm only as old as I feel, but still 35 bothers me. There was an article in the paper a few weeks ago about store that were catering to the 35-year-old woman, and one of the stores profiled was Chico's. My friend's mother-in-law shops at Chico's, and it's supposed to be where I shop now? I don't think so. I can't bring myself to go in there. I'd like to think I can still shop at the Gap and J. Crew and carry the clothes. Despite having problems with my age, I did have good birthday celebrations. Wednesday night I went out to dinner with Lisa, Heidi and Liz. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much. I was a little worried about mixing a running friend with neighborhood friends, but I think those three are a good combination. Friday night we went to dinner with Brandon's dad at a new neighborhood joint. The girls were so well behaved, and dinner was pretty good. When we got home Brandon let me open my present from him. He paid attention to my hints and gave me an iPod. I spent the rest of the evening copying songs from CDs and learning how to make play lists. Saturday Brandon and I went to Dallas for the wedding of one of his diving buddies. We left the girls behind and had a nice night away. The wedding was very swishy, which made it fun. I was all dressed up in a new frock (not from Chico's) and felt pretty good about how I looked. I was mostly pleased that I didn't end up looking like a country bumpkin set loose in the big city for the weekend. Liz did a great job helping me pick out a cute dress and shoes for the wedding. All in all, it was a great birthday weekend.
July 12 Each time I've offered to get her a big-girl bed, though, she's run to her crib and said, "No! My bed." So I haven't pushed too hard. She also hasn't ever tried to climb out, unlike her big sister, who climbed out at 20 months. Actually, Ella climbed in first - she wanted a toy that was in there. Once she was in, she figured out how to get back out again pretty quickly. Ella has been begging for bunk beds for ages. I'm not sure where she learned about them, but she has been asking to get them. Since their room is pretty small, I figured bunk beds were a good way to go. I took Ella and Lily to the store three weeks ago, and we picked out some pretty, white, camp-style bunk beds. They arrived last Thursday, and Brandon and I put them together that night. The first night was a little rough. The girls were exhausted, but they were so keyed up about the beds that it took them until 10:30 to fall asleep. It's been getting easier to get them to go to sleep. But they do like talking to each other while they're in bed. And Ella likes to dangle things from the top bunk for Lily. She also gets Lily to fetch things for her. Poor Lily then gets scolded for being out of bed. But Lily hasn't asked to go back into her crib once. In fact, we've been using it as a threat. She loves her new bed so much that we tell her that if she doesn't stay in bed, we'll put her back in her crib. So far, that has worked really well. I'm not sure what we'll do when we take the crib out of the room this weekend. Tonight was another first for Lily - her first night without Ella there at bedtime. Ella is spending the night with Brandon's mom, and Lily is here alone with us. Bedtime was particularly hard. Lily kept crying that she missed Ella and wanted Ella on the top bunk. She ended up crying herself to sleep, which just broke my heart. It took every ounce of self control I had not to go climb into bed with her. But I didn't want to start a dangerous precedent. Besides, I figured that this is just the first of many nights away for Ella - she's almost at sleep-over age, and Lily will have to get used to Ella's not being there at bedtime. I think it was just extra hard because the bunk beds are still so new. I get teary-eyed when I go in at night to tuck them in before I go to bed. Lily looked so big in her crib because she took up so much room; but now she looks so little in the big bed. It's just one more reminder that my baby isn't so much a baby anymore.
July 6 On Sunday the left side of my faced swelled up and my left ear started to hurt. So I called the dentist, who was on vacation in Oklahoma, and told her I was afraid I had infection. When I told her the symptoms, she agreed with my diagnosis and called in a prescription for antibiotics. I now know which pharmacy to go to at 7:00 pm on a Sunday night. I've been on the antibiotics for four days now, and my mouth still hurts. I went in today, and she took a look. I have ulcers and sores all along my gum line on the left side of my mouth and under my tongue. She said that when they cleaned out the decay last week it stirred up bacteria that then took hold and caused infections. My jaw is puffy because my lymph nodes are working against the infection. The only good news out of all of this is that she moved tomorrow's appointment for a filling to next week. I could use a week without any dental work. The bad news is that one of my old filling fell out this afternoon. I have no idea when. This is why I HATE going to the dentist. I always have something go wrong or get some sort of bad news. I've been in the worst mood since Sunday just because my stupid mouth hurts so much. Poor Ella and Lily haven't had a fun mama the past few days. I have a great deal more sympathy for Lily and her teething pains these days. Grumble.
July 1 At the end of last summer she was on the verge of swimming. She took a series of lessons that helped a lot in terms of her comfort level in the water, but she never actually "swam." I signed her up for lessons this year, with the goal of just having her swim by the end of the three weeks. Well, Ella being Ella, walked in on the first day, jumped in the pool and swam. It wasn't pretty, but she was floating and propelling herself through the water on her own. Now she's learning to pick her head up to take a breath and keep going and to use her arms in something that sort of resembles a crawl stroke. She's also doing these great flying leaps off the side of the pool, landing on her belly. It's not going to take much to turn the leaps into dives. I took the girls to the neighborhood pool after lessons the other day, and Ella figured out how to do forward and backward somersaults under water. I helped her on the first forward one, and she figured out the backward one by watching another little girl doing them. She has excellent spatial awareness. Brandon has worked with her a lot on the trampoline, and I can definitely see the results. Then she did something that stunned me - she stood up on the edge and did a perfect front flip into the pool. I looked up just in time to see her do it. I grabbed her, and while laughing hysterically from shock, told her that flips weren't allowed off the edge. The lifeguard blew his whistle at her and told us not to do flips. I apologized and said that I didn't even know she could do flips. Poor Ella was rather traumatized by the lifeguard, though. She spent the rest of the time at the pool sneaking glances at the guards and not wanting to do much but cling to me. And she refused to jump off the edge again. I explained that the lifeguard wasn't mad, that he was just telling her the rules, but it didn't help. I also tried to explain that lifeguards are our friends and that they're there to help people, but I'm not sure she believes me. Brandon and I have also told her that she's not allowed to do any more flips until he's there to help her. Front flips off the side are very dangerous, and as cool as it is that she did one, she's lucky she didn't crack her head open on the edge. So my little rockstar is a super swimmer and it looks like she has the makings of a diver. I'm worried we're not going to be able to keep up with her.
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