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November 30 The past few weeks, however, have felt like work, and then some. Ella has been sick pretty much constantly since November 11 when she was diagnosed with strep throat/scarlet fever. She was under quarantine, and therefore at home with me, for three days. We had one week of health, and then last Monday we were back at the doctor's office because she was running a fever and complaining of a sore throat. He was concerned it was the strep coming back. It wasn't, but the doctor didn't really have an answer about what was wrong. So she was home for two days. On Friday she started running a fever again. She was sick all weekend, and on Sunday night her fever went up to 102.8. So I called the on-call pediatrician, who wasn't helpful at all. We were back at the doctor's office on Monday - the second Monday in a row. He said she has some sort of virus, possibly the flu. Whatever it is that she has, she's pretty miserable. And so am I. It breaks my heart to see her so sad and droopy. Last night she curled up in our bed while I was working in the office. I could hear her whimpering in her sleep. She slept in bed with me, and she tossed and turned all night. Even tylenol didn't bring her fever down much. She's better today - her fever has gone down a lot - but her mood has gotten worse. She's tired of being sick. She's tired of being trapped in the house. She's tired of watching TV. All she wants to do is cling to me and whine. And I'm tired of that. This is the part of motherhood that balances out the fun days at the park and pool. This is the part of motherhood that no one tells you about when they are raving about how great it is to have children. With any luck, Ella will be well enough on Thursday to go to school. And with even more luck Lily won't have caught what Ella has, and she'll be able to go to school, too. And then I get a few hours to myself. I think we all need a break from each other. We need to be able to get back to the fun stuff. And if I ever feel like I'm playing hooky again for going to the park, I'll remember that I've earned the fun times during these last three weeks.
November 26 I had a much better run yesterday. I only ran it about 2 minutes faster than last year, but I had a lot more fun doing it. The weather was perfect for running and I felt good. I handled the hills, even the last one, without any problem. Obviously all the hill work I've been doing on my long runs lately has paid off. The best part of the race was watching the families running together. At one point I was running behind a dad and his son and daughter. We were headed up a pretty steep hill, and he was doing a great job of encouraging his two kids. Later I ran behind a dad and his son, Jordan. At one point, Jordan apologized to his dad for slowing him down. The dad answered that he was out there to enjoy running with his son, not to race, and that if he wanted to walk it was alright with him. I wanted to hug the father for saying that. I've seen too many parents yell and scream at their kids for not swimming, diving, running well enough. It was refreshing to hear a supportive parent. I hope Jordan appreciates his time with his dad. We hosted Thanksgiving at our house for the first time this year. Brandon was in heaven. He loves to cook, and so any excuse to turn out a big meal is just fine with him. He and his friend Jim made a beef wellington that was just amazing. As soon as I download the pictures from the camera I'll post it. I was worried that we wouldn't have enough food for all the people who were coming, but we didn't even put a dent in it. Everyone got to take home leftovers, and our refrigerator is still full. Ella was so excited about Thanksgiving, even though she didn't really have a clue what it was all about. They had been talking about it a great deal at school, but she still didn't quite get it. Ella was convinced that her school friend Lisa was going to come over for Thanksgiving. Lisa's mom said that Lisa was sure that Ella was going to be at their house for dinner. Both girls were very disappointed that their plans weren't going to happen. Wednesday night at dinner Brandon and I talked to Ella about being thankful for what we have. We each listed the things we were thankful for - each other, Ella and Lily, family, friends, etc. Then we asked Ella what she was thankful for. "Monkeys" was her answer. We tried again to explain that the point of Thanksgiving was to take time to give thanks for what we have and since she didn't actually have a monkey maybe she should try again. No luck. She was only thankful for monkeys. I think the problem was that Brandon and I laughed when she said it the first time, so she didn't want to change her answer. Next we asked Lily what she was thankful for, and she answered, "apples." All three of us cracked up, and then Lily joined in. We asked her if there was anything else, and she said, "pizza." Leave it to her to be thankful for food. So here are some of the things I'm thankful for, not really in any order except for the first few things:
November 22 We know which areas of the trail usually flood, so we figured we'd be able to get around them without too much of a problem. Turns out we were completely wrong. Neither of us, in all of our years of running at Town Lake, has seen it as badly flooded as it was today. It was dark, so we couldn't even see the full extent of it. We had to head through Zilker Park, which had huge lakes where there used to be soccer fields. Many of the Trail of Lights displays were in puddles or had been turned over by the wind. We tried to get back on the trail at Lamar, but that was flooded, too. The part of the trail that really shocked us was Auditorium Shores. The trail was completely flooded, so we headed up a level to the big field. It was so squishy that our shoes flooded. The water fountain by Stevie Ray Vaughn was mostly underwater, and the bench there was gone. The north side of the trail seemed easier at first, until we got to Cesar Chavez and Lamar. The road was completely flooded, and there was no safe place for us to cross the water. The City had men out there putting up barricades and re-routing traffic. We ended up having to run up Lamar to the railroad bridge and crossing there. But that didn't end the problem. There was no place for us to run along trail, and there was no place on the road. So we hopped along in the grass. At that point our shoes were so wet it didn't make any difference. I had a great time on the run. It was fun to run on different terrain and to see all of the water where it didn't belong. I looked at it as an adventure run. I'm not sure Jennifer saw it that way, though. She was worried about her shoes being offensive to other people at Austin Java, where she goes for breakfast after she runs.
November 21 I did start the day well, though. I ran with my friend Liz at 6:30 in the mist. I needed to recover from a tough long run on Friday and wanted to put in a few miles. She missed our Friday run and was planning to make it up today. I offered to hop in for her last five miles or so. She picked a route that is all hills - the last half of the run I did on Friday. I was moving so slowly on some of the hills that I was convinced I was going backwards. Liz charged up them like they were no problem, though. When I got home I played with the girls for a while and then took Brandon coffee in bed. As soon as he woke up, I kicked him out of bed and fell asleep. I woke up two hours later to the smell of bacon and pancakes. Yum. I'll interrupt with a funny Lily story - while I was napping she came in to find me. I kept still hoping that if she thought I was asleep she'd go away. Lily climbed up on the bed and poked me a few times. When that didn't get a response, she pried open my eyelid and said, "Mama, open eye." When that didn't work, she grabbed my mouth and moved my lips around and said, "Mama, talk." At that point I gave up and called for Brandon, who came in and whisked her away. I guess it's a testament to how tired I was that I was able to fall back asleep after being woken up that much. All four of us snuggled on the sofa under a blanket and watched Harry Potter for a while. But I had to get up and work, leaving Brandon with the girls. It was very had to get motivated to work, especially since I'm reviewing a pretty dry world history book. Both girls took naps, sort of. Lily slept, and Ella played very quietly in the guest room. She was so quiet that I thought she was asleep in there. I ruined it by peeking in to check on her. So I let her get up and we watched a Cirque du Soleil show on TV. Ella liked the contortionists best. She tried to balance on one hand and one foot on her chair. For dinner I was craving carbs in a big way, so Brandon went over to Threadgill's and picked up chicken-fried chicken and mashed potatoes for me. He tried to get Ella and Lily to eat chicken-fried steak, but he was unsuccessful. Really, the only thing I accomplished today was a few hours of work and this blog entry. Normally I'd feel like a complete slacker for letting the house stay messed up and the laundry stay unfolded, but I just needed a day to do mostly nothing. It was Brandon's first day off in weeks, and he got to take a much-needed nap in the afternoon. So we're both happy and rested, and I think the girls enjoyed having both of us home to play and snuggle with.
November 16 I got rear-ended Friday night while waiting to make the left turn into our neighborhood. The other driver and I made the left turn and pulled over to exchange information. Brandon was on his way out of the neighborhood and stopped to help out. The guy who hit me was probably in his early 20s; the car and insurance are both in his parents' names. He was visibly shaken and very apologetic. His SUV appeared to have more damage than my ancient Maxima. Brandon offered to go get an estimate on repairs and call him before we called his insurance company - that way if it wasn't much he could pay out of pocket rather than incur the higher insurance rates that go along with filing a claim. We made this offer to be nice, as a favor. He seemed to genuinely appreciate it. I went Monday to one shop to get an estimate. They came up with $1500, but said it could end up being more if the bumper frame needed to be replaced. The mechanic couldn't tell without pulling off the bumper cover. I called the guy today to see if he wanted us to get a second estimate or if he wanted us to just call his insurance company. Instead, I got his mother. I explained who I was and said I was calling because I had an estimate on repairs. She said that she had just spoken with her son and that he had said we wouldn't be filing a claim on the car. I told her that wasn't quite right and explained our offer. She then told me that it was irresponsible of me to leave the scene of an accident without calling the police and that people who did such things were usually trying to gouge the person who hit them for more money than they really needed. She then launched into this story about how she had first accident since 1976 this past summer and she called the police and filed insurance even though it was only for $700 on her car. I let those comments go and told her the cost of the estimate. She said that her son told her that my car only had a few scratches and that his had the worst damage. I listed off the things that needed to be repaired and offered to fax her the estimate sheet. She ignored that offer. And again started about the police. I told her that in my last accident, we had called the police and they told us that since it was a non-injury accident at rush hour, it would take them two hours to get a unit out. I told her that given that Friday's accident was at rush hour and we were three blocks from my house AND I had two crying children in the back seat, I felt it was better to just exchange information and go on our way, especially since her son admitted fault. She seemed to ignore that comment, too. She then told me that I should just call her son about it all. I said I would and hung up. I called her son and left him a message about the estimate and said that it seemed like his mother would rather we file with insurance since she was afraid I was trying to gouge her. After that I called Brandon and told him that I was calling the insurance company and filing just based on how rude the woman had been to me. While I was talking to him, she called back. She informed me that I would be dealing with her from now on, not her son, and that she would be calling her insurance agent to file the claim. I told her that I thought that plan was best since she was convinced I was trying to scam her. She got a little more polite at that point. I just couldn't believe that this woman was basically yelling at me because her son was in a car accident - her adult son who is still on her insurance and driving her very expensive, new SUV. It was like she was mad at him and just decided to take it out on me instead. I am proud that I kept my cool and stayed polite through it all. And I'm proud that I didn't back down. I wonder if she thought she could get me to go away and not file a claim if she was mean enough to me. Whatever the reason, the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. She ruined how nice her son had been about it all. I'd say that this whole experience taught me not to be nice to people in such situations, but it didn't. While I hope I'm never in another accident, if I am, I'll probably behave the same way again. I'd like to believe that people are basically decent. On another note, as we were driving home from the accident Ella told me she'd help me pick out a new car. I told her that I didn't think we would be getting one because they could fix ours. She said we needed a van so that we would have room for her friend Matilda to ride with us. As much as I love Matilda, she's not enough of an incentive to buy a van.
November 15 I got there a few minutes early, so I sat in my car and waited. I finally got out and walked down to the water fountains to wait there. I was under the cover of the MoPac bridge, so I wasn't getting wet. Jen was a few minutes late, so I figured she wasn't coming. I viewed it as payback for all the times I've flaked on rainy days. I was prepared to run a few miles on my own to make it worth the trip. But just as I decided to head out for a run, the skies opened and it started to pour. I was about to head up to my car when Jen drove up. I swore silently, figuring she'd make me run despite the downpour. She's a pretty diehard runner, and not much can persuade her to miss a run. Just as she walked up the rain got harder and there was a big bolt of lightning. I looked at her and said, "How about we go to breakfast instead?" To my amazement she said yes. It's the first sign of sanity, at least where running is concerned, that I've seen out of her in a long time. So we headed up the hill to Magnolia for French toast and coffee. We both agreed that it was far better than running in the rain.
November 14 It's been a week from hell around here. Actually, only three of the days were hellish, but they we so bad it felt like a whole week. It started Wednesday morning as I drove Ella to school. I had a whole list of errands to run after Lily and I dropped her off. Instead, we ended up turning around and heading back home after Ella began to sob hysterically that she was going to throw up. When we got home, she didn't throw up, but she did agree to rest quietly in bed - for all of ten minutes. I was tempted to head back to school with her, but I took her tempterature, and it was 100.5, just high enough to count as a fever in my book. So I kept her home. After lunch Ella told me she was tired and asked to lie down. I don't remember the last time she actually asked to take a nap, so I knew something was really wrong. Two hours later she woke up with a fever of 103.8. I freaked out and called the doctor's office. The nurse told me to just alternate advil and tylenol and to call in the morning if she was still running a fever. At 1:00 am, Brandon came in and woke me up, telling me that Ella's fever was up to 104.0. I called the on-call doctor, who told me to give her more advil and to wait half an hour. If her fever hadn't gone down, we were to head straight for Children's Hospital ER. That was the longest half hour. Fortunately her fever went down and she went back to sleep. Neither Brandon nor I slept much, though. Thursday I took Lily to school since she seemed to be healthy and took Ella to the doctor. They did a strep test, which came back positive. I was relieved just to know what was wrong with her. I asked the doctor how long until Lily came down with strep, too. He said that kids under three almost never get strep, and that kids under two never get it. However, Brandon and I are risk. But the doctor said that if either of us started to feel sick, we could call him and he'd call us in antibiotics. I thought that was very nice of him. So far Brandon and I are fine, knock on wood. Thursday night at dinner Ella started clawing at her arm, saying it itched. I pulled up her sleeve and discovered that her arm was covered in tiny red bumps. I checked her stomach and chest, and they were covered, too. So I called the on-call doctor again. This doctor was much nicer than the one I spoke with at 1:00 am, even if the diagnosis made my heart skip a beat - scarlet fever. According to the doctor, there are about 80 strains of strep, and four of them produce a toxin in the body that causes a rash of tiny, rough, red dots. He said the treatment was the same as for strep - antibiotics. He also said that the rash would probably outlast the fever and that her skin would probably peel as the rash cleared up. I was about ready to cry at this point. My only point of reference with scarlet fever was the book Little Women, where one of the characters, Beth, dies a slow, but beautiful, death of scarlet fever. I was amazed that people even got it anymore, although I don't know why they wouldn't. Friday Ella was definitely feeling better, but she was still under something of a quarantine. The doctor had told us not to let her be around other kids until Saturday. It was very hard to keep her contained Friday afternoon, especially when she saw her friends playing outside. To get out of the house, we ran a few errands that didn't involve contaminating anyone. Then, as I was sitting waiting to make a left turn into our neighborhood, a guy rear-ended us. It took me a minute to register what happened. Lily and Ella both started crying, and I was about to cry right along with them. Fortunately, none of us was hurt. The young man apologized profusely and offered me every form of ID and insurance and registration he had. Brandon was on his way out of the neighborhood and stopped to check on us. It wasn't all that bad of an accident, but on top of the few days I had already had, it was more than I could take. I just fell apart at the seams. I was almost afraid to leave the house. Fortunately, the weekend was much better, and I'm ready for Monday. Ella will go to school and I'll get back into my routine. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that no one will get sick for at least two weeks. Around here, that will be a record.
November 10 Still, I finished feeling pretty strong and without ever doing my death shuffle. Saturday, however, was a different story. I woke up with my calves hurting so badly. I stretched all day Saturday and Sunday and they never felt much better. Monday's run was a disaster. I had to walk up the stairs on the Congress Avenue bridge just so I could stretch my calves out. Today my legs felt like they had been replaced by tree trunks. Jennifer, bless her heart, kept me going during the last mile of our run, but it wasn't easy. It's just so frustrating to run a strong ten-miler and then fall apart on what was supposed to be an easy five-mile run. I came home wanting to throw my running shoes away. The worst part is knowing that I'm supposed to run 11 or 12 miles on Friday morning. I'm worried that I won't be able to make it or that I'll have a repeat of this week's runs. Or worse, a combination of both. At least the weather is starting to cool off. It should be downright cold for Friday's run. I may have to dig out my running tights. I always run better in cold weather. That may be my saving grace.
November 8 But goodness, when she's in a mood, she's the very opposite. Last week she started saying that she hated me. She first said it on Monday. She told me she hated me, so I picked her up to put her in her room. She then hit me as hard as she could and spit at me. I closed her in her room for some solitary confinement. She started screaming and yelling that she had something to tell me. When I opened the door, she said, "You're making me hate you even more." That's when I pulled out the old, "Stay in there until your father gets home." That evening, Brandon had a talk with Ella about getting along with me and doing what I say because I'm the mommy. On the way to school the next day, Ella informed me that "Daddy said you and I need to get along with each other." I think she kind of missed the point - that she needs to get along with me. We had another day of hatred on Wednesday. At one point Ella told me that she only hated me when I made her angry. I've tried to use the idea of empathy with her, but it hasn't worked. Ella often tells me that she doesn't want to see me or play with me. One time I asked her how it made her feel when her friends Luke and Walt tell her that they don't want to play with her. Ella paused for a moment and said, "lonely." I asked how she thought it made me feel when she said the same thing to me. Again she paused before saying, "lonely." Except this time the tone in her voice said, "lonely, but that's the point." She's at the age where she's starting to understand that words have power. I talked to both Ella's teacher and the director of her school about the hating. They both said not to take it to heart, that she didn't really mean it. And while I knew that already, it doesn't help. The first day she said it to me, I stood in the hallway and cried. Part of me feels horribly guilty about her behavior - like I've failed in someway by not giving Ella the tools or words to use when she's upset with me. Then another part of me worries that she's really just a horrible little girl - the child no parent will let play with their kids. They'll say, "No, Ella can't come here to play. She's mean." I know that those are silly things to worry about, but in the heat of the moment, it's hard not to. Pat, Ella's school director, told me that four is like terrible two, but magnified. And she reassured me that it's not my imagination that Ella's behavior has taken a sudden turn for the worse. Hearing that did make me feel better. She also gave me a book about "Wild and Wonderful" four-year-olds. So I just keep reminding myself of the good things - having her sit in my lap for stories, how perfectly her little hand fits in mine when we take walks, watching her hug her little sister, hearing her and Lily laugh together, how sweet she looks when she's asleep, the funny things she says. Ella's good points vastly outweigh the bad, and I need to remember that.
November 5 I've been in a funk since late Tuesday night. I was watching the Daily Show, and not even Jon Stewart, who is on my laminated list, could make the situation funny. I took a tiny speck of xanax and went to bed. I knew I would need help sleeping. Since then, I've been trying to focus on the positive things - the sun still comes up in the morning. I have a great husband who is a wonderful daughters. Ella and Lily are happy and healthy. I have a loving, supportive family and a wealth of friends. Yet I'm still in a funk. I'm sad for our country and what the next four years hold for us. I foresee more lives lost in Iraq, more back-door deals that will enrich Bush's friends, more damage to the environment, more people living below the poverty line, more prejudice against those who don't look and think like the "moral majority." I'm baffled that people could support a party and a president who think it's perfectly OK to deny rights to people because of their sexual orientation or religious affiliation. Who would want to be a part of group that limits its members. I never would. My hope is that this election will galvanize democrats to get moving now and not to wait until two years before the next election to get organized. I hope that at the mid-term elections democrats will be able to get a few more people elected to Congress to balance the republicans out. So now I'm going out to enjoy our wonderful weather and my two girls. I just hope they don't have to wear burquas by the time they're my age.
November 1 I woke up with a list of things I planned to do today after I took Ella to pre-school. I was going to go to the grocery store, fold laundry, clean up the house, pay bills, get some work done, etc. Then Ella woke up and announced that her eyes were stuck shut and my day went downhill from there. I had to pin Ella down to clean the goop out of her eyelashes and put in pink-eye drops. Then I had to tackle Lily to start preventative treatment. After that I rounded up all the sheets and pillow cases from their room and put them in a hot-water wash. We haven't made it to the grocery store yet. I don't want to be one of those moms who contaminates other people's children. So we have no milk, and we're eating peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches. As I was stripping the beds in the girls' room, Ella emptied the contents of her dresser on to the floor. I told her she had to stay in her room until she picked everything back up. Two hours later she was still in there. Each time she came out, I'd carry her back in and close the door behind me. I offered her a way out by telling her I'd help her clean up everything else if she'd just put her shirts away. Not even that worked. At one point, when I was carrying her back to her room, she screamed that she hated me and spit at me. I just didn't even know what to do. I put her on her bed and closed the door as I left the room. Finally I went in and we worked together. I'd folded the clothes and put them in piles. She wadded them up and crammed them in the dresser. It wasn't perfect, but at least she put her clothes away. In the middle of all this, the transformer on the power pole across the street blew, and we were without electricity for three hours. It's amazing how many things require electricity. Even though our dryer is gas heated, the motor is electric. So I was stuck with a dryer full of wet clothes. I figured I'd use Brandon's lap top to check e-mail since it has a battery. But while the lap top worked, the wireless router and cable modem didn't. Ella didn't get it at all. She kept asking to watch a movie, which we couldn't do without electricity. She asked over and over when they were turning it back on. Finally, the power truck pulled up in front of our house. We stood on the front porch and watched as they reset the transformer. All three of us clapped when the lights went back on. I'm hoping nothing else goes wrong today. Otherwise I might just have to take up drinking heavily. |