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December 31 She asked all about Santa and why he brought presents and how he got in the house and how he knew where to find her. I had a hard time keeping all of my stories straight. We did have a slight panic on Christmas Eve about her letter to Santa Claus. Her grandfather asked her what she had requested in her letter, and she looked stricken and said, "Mama, we need to send Santa a letter. I never sent him one." I had to think fast - I told her that Santa had already left to deliver presents, but that when I had sent a letter for Lily I had added things for her. That seemed to satisfy her. She fell asleep so fast Christmas Eve. We had told her that Santa wouldn't come until everyone was asleep. Her Aunt Sarah spun a yarn about Santa's skipping our house one year because I wouldn't go to bed. Even after we explained to Ella that her aunt was just joking, she was still more than a little worried. So she fell asleep right away while Lily refused to go to sleep. She played on my parents' bed while we finished wrapping presents. Ella woke us up at 7:30 Christmas morning to ask if Santa came. She and I went to look over the front balcony at the Christmas tree below, and she started yelling, "He came! Santa came!" when she saw all the presents around the tree. I let her go in and wake up my parents before we went down to open stocking presents. The quote of the day came when she opened two rolls of Scotch tape - one of her favorite things in the world. She held them up and yelled, "He brought me tape!" Even now, a week after Christmas, she tells people that her favorite present was tape. Lily was unimpressed with it all. She enjoyed doling out presents the most. She'd follow my dad into the front hall where the tree was, he'd hand her a present and tell her whom to give it to, and she'd toddle in to the family room to deliver it. But she got bored after a while and went in to the kitchen searching for breakfast. Ella and I opened the rest of Lily's presents while she ate. She'll enjoy it more next year. Next year should be really fun with both of the girls. Lily will be old enough to understand it better, and Ella will still be caught up in the magic. I'm looking forward to it.
December 29 Lily is entering the terrible twos, I'm afraid. She's taking pages out of Ella's book. This morning, she didn't like something Ella had done, so she started hitting her. When I told her to stop hitting Ella, she switched to stroking Ella's arm while saying, "sweet sister." Ella cracked up. Even she knew what Lily was up to. And at Central Market she was a terror. She wanted a balloon, but she didn't want to hold it. But she also didn't want me to hold it, Ella to hold it, or me to tie it on the shopping cart. My explaining that there weren't any options left didn't make any difference. The check-out clerks were laughing at us. All I could do was sigh and let her yell. The balloon got loose when I was loading the bags in the trunk, which meant there were further tears in the parking lot - but this time they were from Ella. She was upset she didn't have her "beenocleeyars" with her to watch the balloon float away. I swear, some days I can't win for trying.
December 28 I recently watched "Long Way Round" on Bravo. It was a documentary of Ewan McGregor and his best friend traveling from London to New York City on motorcycles. They rode through Europe, Russia, Mongolia, Kazakhstan and Alaska along the way. As I was watching the shows, I thought "I'd love to do that." However, after four days in the car, I'm not so sure. Maybe it's the four days in the car with kids that did me in. I was so ready to be home Sunday night. Unfortunately, we still had one more day of driving to go. The girls, bless their little hearts, were wonderful on the trip. Of course, I credit much of that to the new portable DVD player we bought for the car. I think we would have had screaming children on our hands had it not been for Dora, Shrek and Harry Potter. As for me, I'll be happy if I never hear the map song from Dora or the theme from Harry Potter again in my life. We couldn't get Lily to wear headphones, so we listened to all of the movies as the girls watched them. So now my house is a wreck. The cleaning people came while we were gone, so we walked in to a spotless house. Unfortunately the spotlessness lasted only until we started unloading the car. I've spent the morning unpacking and putting things away, but for as much work as I've done, there's still an incredible amount of stuff in the living room that still needs to be put away. After lunch I'm tackling laundry. There's lots I want to write about Christmas, but I just can't at the moment. My brain is still scrambled.
December 15 We only had one TV in our house when I was growing up, and the amount we could watch was strictly limited. My parents now have TVs in the kitchen, the TV room, their bedroom and my sister's room. I think there may even be one in the basement. But that's a whole other story. I remember when one of my friends spent the night - I was setting the dining room table for dinner, and she told me I didn't need to go to all that trouble just because she was there. I told her that we always ate in the dining room. She looked at me like I had sprouted a second head and said, "You mean you don't grab your plate and go eat in your room while you watch TV?" I looked at her like she has sprouted a second head and said, "You have a TV in your room?" I couldn't imagine such luxury. Sometimes I think it might be nice to have a TV in our room. I could watch the news in the morning while getting ready for the day, or I could fold laundry and watch West Wing, but I know what would happen. Brandon falls asleep most nights on the sofa while watching TV, and I wake up and go looking for him. If we had a TV in our room, I'd have to learn to fall asleep with it on. I have a hard enough time falling asleep that I don't I could adjust. Right now we do have a TV in our room. We're storing it for friends who are having major home renovations done and needed it out of the way. So far Brandon hasn't watched it while lying in bed, and neither have I. But it's only because we can't get the girls out of bed long enough for us to have a turn. Ella and Lily both think it is so wonderful to be able to relax in bed and watch Sesame Street in the morning. This morning I just had to laugh - I looked in and they were both reclining on piles of pillows with their arms behind their heads. They looked like two peas in a pod. Ella thinks watching TV in bed is so cool that the only thing she wants from Santa Claus is her own TV. Brandon and I keep telling her that Santa talks to parents about gifts like TVs to make sure that it's OK to give them, and we have both told Santa that she can't have a TV in her own room. Even though we're warning her, I'm still expecting tears on Christmas morning when she sees that she got a Light Bright instead of a TV. As nice as it has been to have the extra TV, I won't miss it when it's gone, even if Brandon will.
December 14 But not this year. I don't know what's wrong, but I'm in a bit of a funk. I pestered Brandon about the lights, but even having those up didn't help. I told Brandon that we shouldn't get a tree - we're going to Atlanta and it just seemed wasteful to get a tree. My aunt sent us a miniature live tree that's decorated, and I figured that would be good enough. But Brandon insisted upon getting a tree, and he's been the one decorating like a drunken elf ever since. He's put up more Christmas lights than we've ever had before. Not only do we have them along the roof all the way around the house as usual, but he's wrapped the posts on the front porch in red and white lights, filled the front bushes with colored lights and lined the front walk with tube lights. You could land a plane by them all. He bought a tree that was so tall we had to trim some off the top so that it would fit in the house. After he and the girls decorated it, he decided there weren't enough ornaments and sent me on a mission to buy more. I did, but they still aren't on the tree. Brandon also bought yards of real garland, which he hung around the front door with big red bows. He and Ella have had the best time decorating together. I don't know why I'm not in the spirit: I should be. We're headed to Atlanta for Christmas at my parents' house for the first time in three years. My parents and sister are beyond excited that we're coming, and they've been decorating up a storm in anticipation. My father has set out several thousand Christmas lights. Plus Ella is at the age where it is still all about the magic and wonder of the holiday and not about the greed of too many toys. She's been grilling me about Santa Claus daily, and I'm struggling to keep my stories straight. Lily loves the tree and the lights - which she calls "fishy lights." And as we drive through the neighborhood at night, Ella likes to point out which houses have Christmas spirit and which don't. All of these things should put me in the Christmas spirit, but they just haven't. I need to snap out of it so that I can enjoy the holiday. I keep hoping that it will just hit me one of these days. Maybe now that the weather has turned cold it will feel more Christmassy. I sure hope so.
December 9 I read a pretty eclectic collection of books over the year - everything from weighty biography to light airplane fiction. It's my favorite way to read - I pick up whatever sounds good to me. I'm going to keep track again in 2005, but I don't know that I'll set a goal the way I did this year. At times it was stressful - I felt like I was reading with a deadline rather than reading for enjoyment. I also don't have a list of books that I want to read to start out the year like I did last year. The only book I really want to read so far is Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susana Clarke. It's on all of the 2004 Top 10 lists that I've seen. I've been hoping that it would be out in paperback soon, but I don't think that's going to happen. So if you've read a book that you think I'd enjoy, please let me know. I'm always open to suggestions. And if you have a large collection of books, please let me come browse it.
December 6 I keep reminding myself that it's a good hurt, that hurting this much means I really did work hard yesterday during the race. I already knew that I left everything I had out there on the course - I didn't need this much of a reminder. It's a good thing I had planned to take today off from running. I couldn't have run even if I had wanted to. I do plan on going for a walk sometime tomorrow just to loosen up my legs. My theory that they would stretch out as I went about my usual daily routine, which includes lots of bending and stretching as I pick up the house after the girls, didn't work out. I'd start to feel loosened up, but then I'd sit down for five minutes and hurt even worse when I stood up again. So I'm now going to limp off to bed, reminding myself that this is the good kind of hurting.
December 5 I've been training for Decker for months now. It's been on my radar since July. My friend Jennifer gave me a calendar to use as a running log for my birthday, and we plotted out a 13-week training program. Of course, the training program fell by the wayside, but I kept training on my own. Decker used to have the title of the toughest race in Austin; however, other races are now vying for the title. It's out east of town, and it is all hills. This year it was a full 20K. In past years it's been different distances, usually about 11.5 miles. It's a big loop, and no matter whether you run it clockwise or counter-clockwise, you're always running more uphill than down. And you're always running into a headwind. I don't think there's a flat 100 yards on the course. There are only a few BIG hills, but the rolling hills just keep coming at you. You never have a chance to recover before you're going uphill again. Finally, the weather is always a challenge. One year it sleeted. I've run it in 32 degrees and 70 degrees and everything in between. I last ran it three years ago, just after Ella's first birthday, and it ate my lunch. I had no business being out there. It was warmish and humid, and my asthma kicked in at about mile 3. I swore up and down that I wouldn't ever have the same bad experience out there again. I've done a lot of hill runs in the past few months to get ready, and a lot of long runs. I still wasn't as prepared as I would have liked, but I don't think I ever could be. As usual, the weather was strange - foggy and cool and humid. The fog was actually pretty neat. Runners up ahead would disappear into the mist. A bonus of the fog was that you couldn't see the hills looming. I was worried all week about how I would do. I had a great 11.5 mile run on Monday where I felt strong the whole way through. I never ended up doing my death shuffle. But then Ella got sick again. I've spent the whole week convinced I was coming down with whatever she had. I drank lots of juice and tea to ward off any illness. I also made bargains with my body. I promised it that if it would just stay healthy through today it could get as sick as it wanted tomorrow. Of course I don't really mean it. I'm a mom and I'm not allowed to get sick. Plus I have too much work to do this week to take time off. Instead I'm allowing myself to sleep in all week rather than get up and run at 6:00. I ran the first 8 miles comfortably enough. I paced with my friend Paul, whom I know from my days at the Attorney General's office. He held us at a good pace. But I lost him at the 8-mile water stop when I took a longer break to get enough water in me. He took off, and I didn't have it in me to catch him. Miles 9 and 10 were tough. I walked a bit on the BIG hill, much to my disappointment. But at mile 11 I did a gut check and decided to tough it out and finish as hard as a I could. The final miles were tough ones. They were all within earshot of the finish line - an out-and-back in the parking lot of the Expo Center. And there were rolling hills throughout. To add insult to injury, I had the total distance wrong. I thought it was 12.2 miles, not 12.4. So when I passed the 12-mile mark, I was expecting to turn the corner and be finished in 2 minutes or so. I was very upset to realize I was wrong. But I finished with everything I had in me. Jennifer called tonight to see how it went. I was able to say with all honesty that I had given the race everything I could and that I had no excuses or regrets to offer. I think that's all you can ever ask for in a race like this one. So now I'm taking a week to rest, and then I'll refocus on the 3M Half Marathon, which will seem like a walk in the park compared to this race. December 1
Lily Recently, Lily and I visited my former place of employment. Everyone we saw commented on how serious a child Lily seemed to be. I kept defending her, insisting that she really is a ham. But no one believed me, and I could see why. She takes her time sizing up people. But once she warms up, she'll be your best friend. From birth, she's been Ella's little opposite - mellow and relaxed, willing to sleep any time, any place. She's still the same way. She rolls with whatever is going on around the house. I've had so much fun with her this fall. Now that she doesn't take a morning nap, we have three mornings a week together while Ella is at school. I feel like she's finally become my little buddy. We pal around together, running errands or picking up the house or folding laundry. She's happy just to be there with me. Now that she's talking, it's even more fun. We're never sure what's going to come out of her mouth. She manages to communicate quite a lot without using many verbs. One night, I was reading in our room, and Lily came in to visit me holding a chip that Brandon had given her. She climbed up on the bed and said, "Chip. Dip. [S]Picy. Daddy." I knew it meant that Brandon had given her a chip with spicy queso on it. After telling me about her chip, she slid off the bed and headed back to the living room. It wasn't until later that I found the chip she left stuck to the sheet. As happy-go-lucky as Lily is, she's showing troubling signs of the Terrible Twos. She's started having little temper tantrums already; Tonight she cried through dinner because I wouldn't let her stand up in her booster seat. I ended up putting her seatbelt on, which she didn't like at all. Yesterday at lunch time she was playing in her soup, splashing it with her hands. I leaned over and told her to stop splashing. She waved one soup-covered hand at me and said, "No. Go-way Mama." Brandon cracked up, which didn't help matters much. She's also started standing up to Ella, which I think is a good thing. Ella is quite bossy, and Lily is her favorite target. She's not getting away with it quite as much anymore. Lily fights back or tells her to "Go-way," which Ella doesn't appreciate at all. Ella's Terrible Twos took every ounce of energy I had in me some days. I'm hoping that with the difference in their personalities, Lily's terrible stage won't be quite as bad. I did tell her the other day that since she wasn't yet two she wasn't old enough to behave badly. She told me to "go-way." I think I may be in trouble again.
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