Identity Crisis I'm having yet another of my identity crises. This one was triggered when I ran into an old acquaintance a few weeks ago, and we quickly caught up on our lives. I said that I had two girls and that I stayed at home with them. My friend said, "A stay-at-home mother of two? Wow." That comment sent me reeling, and I've struggling been to find my place in the universe ever since. I know I'm the mother of two. That is messily and noisily obvious. And I know I stay at home with them. I spend my days coloring and playing with play-doh and planning trips to the park. It was the label "stay-at-home mom" that got to me. For the first time, I am really part of a demographic. There are all sorts of articles and studies and polls dealing with mothers who choose to stay at home with their young children. Politicians and advertisers target us specifically. Being labeled that way made me feel so old. A few days later I was looking at a picture of me, my sister, my mother and my great-grandmother, and I realized that I am now older than my mom was in that picture. Then I did the math and figured out that I am older than my parents were when my best friend and I met in Fourth Grade. That shook me up pretty badly. When I was nine, my parents were OLD. I don't feel nearly as old as I thought my parents were back then. I talked to my best friend about it, and she agreed that she doesn't feel as old as she thought our parents were when we were little. So now I wonder if I've missed out on my chance to be hip and cool. Can a stay-at-home mother of two really be hip and cool. Or am I doomed to wearing pleated khakis and sweater twin sets with pearls and driving a mini van? I see the moms at the pool in the summer who wear bathing suits with skirts, and I cringe. I watch the parents who live through their children, sacrificing their own interests, and I shudder. Am I required to be like that and dress like that just because I'm a mom? It's all a perception problem, I know. When I was a teenager, I went to a special school for gifted students. We were labeled as geeks and nerds by kids from the two other high schools in our small town. So I spent high school not being cool. In college I declined to join a sorority at a very Greek-centered university. Again, I was not cool. Finally, in my late 20s I was comfortable enough with who I had become to start feeling just a tad bit cool. I had just figured out my place in the universe when I became a mom. For two years I was the only one in my group of close friends who had a child. I suddenly fell out of the loop. I had a hard time making it to the group runs on Saturdays, and I never quite felt comfortable at our group breakfasts. Instead of sitting and chatting, I was chasing Ella around the table or trying to keep her from flinging food all over the person sitting next to her. I just didn't fit in anymore. There were days that I went home crying, afraid that I was losing my friends. And just as I started to get back into the groove, I had a second child. I fell back out of the loop, yet again. I resisted joining playgroups or going to reading time at the library because I didn't want to have to just have mom friends. I wanted to have more in common with my friends than just having a toddler. I didn't want my entire social circle to consist of other mothers. Foolish, I know. But things are changing now. I've met some women who are amazing, funny cool people, despite being moms. We've developed a great support network for each other. I've even become the organizer of a once-a-month playgroup and lunch. Several of my non-mom friends now have babies of their own, and my kids are not the only ones racing around the table and flinging food at Saturday breakfasts. One morning there were more moms than non-moms there, which was a nice change. I'm slowing adjusting to the stay-at-home-mom label and realizing that just because I stay at home with two children I don't have to give up who I am inside. I can still wear the clothes I like, even a bikini. I can applaud Ella's efforts at gymnastics and still go running while she's in class. And I don't ever have to drive a mini-van, at least not until Volkswagon comes out with the new Microbus.