Why....Because Ella is almost three, and we have entered the "Why-Because" phase of toddlerhood. She has a question for everything, it seems. And her favorite time to ask them is after she is in bed. I'll hear, "Mama, I have a teshtion for you," from the bedroom. It's her new favorite stalling tactic. The nice thing about this particular phase is that she is satisfied with my answers, mostly. It's my small window of opportunity to have her think I'm brilliant, despite my sometimes feeble attempts to explain things. Here are some recent examples of questions and answers: ELLA: Mama, why does the sun wake up? ME: Because that's how we know it's morning and time to get out of bed. (This one backfired on me. She now wakes up with the sun each day, and no amount of discussion will convince her to get back in bed for a few more minutes of sleep. Once the sun is up, it's time to get up, end of story.) ELLA: Mama, why do you love me? ME: Because you're my favorite Ella in the whole world. (I get this question on a regular basis, and I always struggle with how to answer. I worry that whatever I say will give her a complex and land her in therapy in years to come.) ELLA: Mama, why do I have a baby sister? ME: Because we love babies and wanted another one in the house. ELLA: Mama, why am I a good big sister? ME: Because you give Lily hugs and kisses and let her share your toys. (OK, so she rarely shares her toys, but I'm hoping for some positive reinforcement here.) ELLA: Why did you stop running? ME: Because I'm tired and I need to rest for a minute. ELLA: Why are you tired? ME: Because it's hard work pushing you in the jogger. ELLA: Why? ME: Because you're getting big. ELLA: Why? ME: Because you eat lots of good food. ELLA: Start running now. (This is verbatim from one of our running trips.) Ella pesters her father with questions, too; but he makes up silly answers. Brandon says his role model is Calvin's dad, from the cartoon strip, and he strives to make up answers worthy of Calvin's dad. I'm a bit worried at what Ella will learn from him. Fortunately, she seems to know that he is just kidding. ELLA: Why are you spraying the porch with water? BRANDON: Because I want it to grow bigger. ELLA: No, it can't grow bigger. Why are you watering it? BRANDON: Why do you want to know? ELLA: Because! Ella's willingness to accept my answers has served me well in the past few weeks. She was born with a lump on her left leg that doctors told us was a birthmark. They said it would get smaller and disappear as she got older, but it didn't. A few weeks ago, Ella had a procedure on the spot to reduce its size. We talked to her about the hospital in the easiest, non-scariest way we knew how. I tried to answer all of her questions, but it wasn't always easy. There were times when I opted for distraction rather than further discussion. ELLA: Why do I have to go to the hos-i-pi-tal? ME: Because the doctors want to put some medicine in your birthmark. ELLA: Why? ME: Because it's getting too big. ELLA: Why? ME: I don't know. Let's go color. ELLA: Why is my birthmark purple? ME: Because the doctors put some medicine in it to help it get smaller. ELLA: Why did I need medicine? ME: Because it was getting too big. ELLA: Why? ME: I think I hear Lily crying. Let's go check. There are times when we get trapped in the circular logic peculiar to toddlers. And there are days when my goal of encouraging her natural curiosity flounders in the face of so many questions. Despite my best intentions, I have broken down and resorted to saying "Because I said so!" I try to remember that this is how she learns about the world and her place in it. I also try to remember that what I say can shape (or warp) her as she gets older. Of course, by the time I get all of the answers figured out for Ella's questions, Lily will come up with all new ones.